Day 13
Well I recently have found out that keeping things bottled up doesn't work for me. I thought it did, well at least it used to. I had an opening up session with my best friend/roommate. I let a few things leek out of this huge damn of emotions that I have created for myself.
I did feel a little better and not so frustrated. Don't get me wrong its not all of him, which is the reason for the damn. Its that I don't know how to share my problems, the ones I have entirely. The problems I face with society, family, money, relationship, religion.
There is this image that was created for me and by me a long time ago. That Russell was carefree and always a pleasure to be around (for the most part). And I guess I have just kept that image or have tried to keep it up. Shutting people out of my life. God would I give to just tell everyone all the stuff I have been holding back. But if I did it all at once - no more friends. Even if I did it piece by piece, I am not sure they could stand it.
So, what do I do? I create a blog and see if I can pour out my emotions on it. I have been thinking about this, to create a blog for myself. Not tell anyone and all the frustrates and other emotions would be all laid out. Now if someone I know stumbles across it, so be it. But it won't be with an identity they would ordinarily know me by.
It also might be a fun game for myself at least, to maybe give hints in this blog to where my other blog is. I don't know, I am not much for mind games.
A friend of mine's father called me today or technically yesterday, because he was concerned about me. His daughter told him that I was being reclusive, because of all the events going on in my life. We had a nice chat, I didn't expect it which was nice and a surprise in and of its own. He told me that if I ever need to talk, that he is here for me. And I may just take him up on his offer. He is a man that I respect, he is forthright, which is hard to come by these days.
Anyway, things are settling down. Still a little chaos, but with out chaos how do we know we are alive.
I did feel a little better and not so frustrated. Don't get me wrong its not all of him, which is the reason for the damn. Its that I don't know how to share my problems, the ones I have entirely. The problems I face with society, family, money, relationship, religion.
There is this image that was created for me and by me a long time ago. That Russell was carefree and always a pleasure to be around (for the most part). And I guess I have just kept that image or have tried to keep it up. Shutting people out of my life. God would I give to just tell everyone all the stuff I have been holding back. But if I did it all at once - no more friends. Even if I did it piece by piece, I am not sure they could stand it.
So, what do I do? I create a blog and see if I can pour out my emotions on it. I have been thinking about this, to create a blog for myself. Not tell anyone and all the frustrates and other emotions would be all laid out. Now if someone I know stumbles across it, so be it. But it won't be with an identity they would ordinarily know me by.
It also might be a fun game for myself at least, to maybe give hints in this blog to where my other blog is. I don't know, I am not much for mind games.
A friend of mine's father called me today or technically yesterday, because he was concerned about me. His daughter told him that I was being reclusive, because of all the events going on in my life. We had a nice chat, I didn't expect it which was nice and a surprise in and of its own. He told me that if I ever need to talk, that he is here for me. And I may just take him up on his offer. He is a man that I respect, he is forthright, which is hard to come by these days.
Anyway, things are settling down. Still a little chaos, but with out chaos how do we know we are alive.
posted by Russell L. Smith at 5:04 AM
2 Comments:
You are agreeable for so long that if you ever decide to really say how you feel, people look at you like "how dare you?" They can't handle it because they had you figured out and now you don't fit into the nice little box they put you in. How dare you irritate them so!
That is so true.
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